My father told me that during the Great Depression, his grandmother came to live with them in San Francisco. They had a beautiful home on Taraval Street, in West Portal. The poor woman had run out of money.
His parents slept in the master bedroom, his sisters shared the back room, and my dad had to sleep in the middle room with his grandmother. He was a little boy, and he didn't like it. "She smelled like Ben Gay," he told me. "And she snored," he added. I giggled. I guess many older people come off as unappealing to young children. We don't realize that we will be in their shoes someday.
She would stay four months with my dad's family, then go for four months with another one of her children, and spend the remainder of the year with her third child. They took turns taking care of her. Her husband had died, and she didn't have the means to live on her own. There was no assisted living in those days.
It's important to look at our family history with money and retirement. We can learn so much from the past. Do you know what happened to your parents' grandparents?
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I honestly don't know much about my parents' grandparents! My mother did mention that her maternal grandmother stayed with them for at least some time (her mother was the oldest child), but, I don't know if that was a permanent thing or not. I don't know anything about my father's grandparents! My paternal grandmother died at age 28, during childbirth, when my father was 2 years old and his father had died well before I was born (and since my father died when I was 7, he didn't have much time to tell me about his family). My maternal grandfather too, died several years before I was born; my maternal grandmother lived with her youngest daughter towards the end of her life, not out of need (she received her late husband's pension which was quite adequate for her expenses) but, because that is our custom. Just as my mother lived with me until the day she died. :)
ReplyDeleteThat's nice, Bless. If you have a pension and family support, that's the best of both worlds.
DeleteI don't know really anything about my mother's grandparents. My mom was very closed mouth about her childhood which was not too pleasant. My father's paternal grandparents left Iowa for California in the late 1880's and tried to settle in Inyo County. Grandmother literally died in the dirt at Black Rock and is buried in Independence. Grandfather had to abandon the 3 children for the community to care for and headed to Southern California to basically mooch off his sister for the rest of his life. He and she are buried together in LA. Dad's maternal grandparents lived first in Virginia City, then grandfather moved to Bishop with his second wife (first is buried in Virginia City) and they lived there in their own home (still standing) until they died. They are buried in Bishop.
ReplyDeleteI find these stories fascinating, Anita. My grandmother had relatives living with her for decades, and she eventually ran out of money. Supporting adult children, (and their spouses,) can really drain your retirement fund. I've been to Virginia City...
DeleteUnfortunately I know nothing about my parent's grandparents but I am almost positive that children took care of their parents. I'm not sure about my mother's parents, but my grandfather, from my dad's side was taken care of by his children too (after my grandma died). Just like your grandparents took care of their mom. They took turns. He was in Guatemala, and my dad, as other brothers and sisters, are here in the states. So when it was their turn they either go to Guatemala to look after him or pay someone to care for him. While the others that live in Guatemala stay with him and care for him. My grandfather had some money and he had his house, but culturally it is the children's responsibility to care for him in old age. Interesting, I was just talking about this with a friend earlier today. :)
ReplyDeleteHaving a home, some money, and children to help is a real advantage, Kari. Culture plays a big part in how people plan and behave. It's definitely wise to look ahead to the future.
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