Lately I have been realizing that I need to scale back on how much that I give to others, and prioritize things that need to be done in my home and business. I have been getting behind in my personal bookkeeping, home repairs, and vocal practice. Sometimes is just gets too late, or I feel like I have run out of time.
I started thinking about it, and realized that too much of my energy is going outward. For example, I have many people who expect me to help them with their knitting. It takes a lot of time and energy. I have realized that since teaching was my profession for forty years, I need to charge for my time. When I work with people, they understand their mistakes, and they can grasp the techniques. From now on, I will charge the going rate for knitting lessons. I have spent a significant amount of money on my own training in the arts, and have studied with the masters. I can draw on that energy as a teacher.
I also have realized that I can no longer drive people around who need rides. Recently people have been asking me to drive them very long distances, and I can't afford it. It takes a lot of time, energy, and gas, and it causes wear and tear on my car. I have learned to say no, and to explain that I am busy working. Sometimes when you are self employed and work from home, people assume that you are always available. Just because my light is on at 5:30 a.m. does not mean that I will answer my phone. My mother used to tell us, "No phone calls until 9:00 a.m." Now I see why she made that rule.
The other day a neighbor said to me, "You should run my next door neighbor's dog. He never gets a walk." I explained to her that I'm not running a free dog walking service. She laughed. For whatever reason, this has always been a challenge for me. My mom used to tell me that I always felt like people were taking advantage of me. I guess it's one of my life lessons. I'm getting clear about what is and isn't my responsibility.
There's an old saying, "Give him an inch, and he'll take a mile." It has flashed into my mind often lately. Often I think, "Well, I'll just do this one thing, and then the person will do it themself." Quite often the reverse happens, and the next time they expect twice as much help. I've got to scale back on areas in life where I'm giving but not receiving. It's time to make lists, prioritize, and set goals.
We have had some frightening fires in our area recently. It has been very, very windy. A section of my fence blew down to the ground the other night. I will be having it repaired this weekend. That's another reason I need to charge the going rate for my services. How are things going with you?
you drive people around for free!??? i never do unless i'm already going to that destination! i give my neighbour fuel money when she takes me to the dentist, i give her $20. each time, she always says it's too much but i tell her no, it's not when you consider the maintenance as well (she only has a 4 cylinder)
ReplyDeletei would never charge for showing someone how to knit though, that's just me;
my friend Nev helps me out a fair bit but i try to pay him where i can, he's a hard one to give money to but as i say to him, it costs me more to get the local bloke out to do it & i'd rather see a few dollars in his pocket instead.
it's a hard call to make, knowing where & when to charge someone but if they are taking advantage of you then it has to stop, perhaps you can do like a workshop once a month for those who need the teaching?
good luck
thanx for sharing
Hi Selina, The group leaders can help them. There are also YouTube videos on line. My little cottage is perfect for knitting lessons. I am so busy with soap orders now; I don't have the time or energy to teach for free.
DeleteSorry to hear about your broken fence, Stephenie. I hope it won't be a major expense.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for setting boundaries.
There was a time I found it very difficult to say no. Still it is hard sometimes, but I'm getting better. :). People assume that because I'm single I have all the time in the world, and have not much expenses. I've lost some friends because they thought of me as a free baby sitter.
I have several very close friends and we help each other a lot.
Selina's idea of doing a workshop is great. That way you will have extra income and you dont have to spend a lot of time giving several individual lessons.
Hi Nil, That's what I mean. Some people have an unrealistic idea of what it's like to be a single person who owns a home. I would enjoy giving lessons here if I was being paid the going rate for my time.
DeleteSounds like prioritizing is a good idea. Sometimes if you say no it helps if you can offer an alternative- "No I can't give you a ride, but I can get the number for a taxi for you." I went through a period of learning to say No. My issue wasn't so much charging for my time but not neglecting things that were important to me.
ReplyDeleteI've been doing that, too, Lady Locust. I suggest calling family, or for the knitting ladies to ask the group leader, since I am busy finishing Christmas presents. That's good that you learned to say no.
DeleteAs I have family south of you, I have been watching the fire zones carefully and thinking of you...glad to know that you are still in the clear. It's truly frightening this year.
ReplyDeleteI very much understand about cutting back on commitments and making firm boundaries and setting clear priorities.
Finding myself in your position, I needed to first understand why I thought I needed to be available to so many people for so much, and then adjust everything.
At first I simply made myself unavailable for several months, with no explanation other than a polite "No, I can't at this time" and end the discussion. It was amazing how many people disappeared from my life or readily found alternatives other than Jill's Concierge Service!
I learned what I really wanted and could do and what really needed my attention vs "being a good person". It wasn't easy.
Thinking of you!!!
Great post, Jill. You get it. I need to put my personal responsibilities first, and not get involved in other people's dramas. Things can be more challenging at this time of year.
DeleteIt is so important to set boundaries. The option to say "Let me get you the number of the taxi service" is wonderful! I am sad to hear about your fence. These winds are awful. Right now we have some serious fires about 20 miles north east of us. Add to that 4 earthquakes yesterday afternoon and night. Take care!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Anita, I know what you mean about the winds. They are so strong and forceful. I didn't know about the earthquakes. Glad you are safe.
ReplyDelete