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| view of the beach from Ocean Avenue in Santa Monica |
Today as I was thinking about a challenging situation in my life, I realized that it had steered me towards my professional career. Because of the turbulent home situation that I grew up in, I threw myself into my dance training. I was determined to get out and to become a successful professional dancer. I have always suspected that if I had come from a happy, loving home, I would not have pushed myself in my dance training the way that I did. As the line in from "At The Ballet," in A Chorus Line says, "I mean anything to get out of the house."
Many of my friends who are professional dancers, (or were,) also came from families where their parents' marriages were on the rocks, there was alcoholism and or drug use, or there was constant fighting and upheaval. It's very hard on children when these traumas happen. But, they shape us and move us.
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| taken from the Beach Bus window yesterday in Santa Clarita |
Another result of it was that I became very spiritual. From a young age, I found yoga to be healing and relaxing for me. I still practice it daily, in addition to meditation and chanting. It gives me a strong foundation, has improved my health, and it's a ritual that I find comforting and healing. When I finish my practice, I am always aware that something grand and exciting may be just around the corner. As Yogi Bhajan used to say, "Happiness follows sadness, and sadness follows happiness."
How did your childhood shape your adult choices later in life?
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I grew up with teen parents who managed in the end to carve out a really lovely life and were married for 40 years before my dad died. However, I craved "home" and "family" - we were always on the move, so home was a stark white house with no pictures on the walls and a basement full of boxes for the next move (usually every 6 to 12 months), lots of fighting (not physical, just loud), a different school every year and they worked long, long hours all the time. I grew up in daycare when daycare was not regulated and had many bad experiences. For our family, we chose stability over a bigger house, time with our children over long work hours and frugal spending so we'd have a comfortable life. I had a lot of freedom growing up but feel that I also had to be grown up all the time. For our children, I wanted (and we achieved) a more kid life, playing outside for hours, coming home to cookies in the oven, meals at the table, time together all the time, not just for holidays. I know we worked hard to do this (my husband had a similar experience as mine growing up) and have no regrets with our choices. It's interesting to now see how our kids are growing and raising their families and how they will draft their lives. Great post Stephanie. I'm glad you were able to rise above the early years and create your own lifestyle. X Chy
ReplyDeleteWonderfully written, Chy. It's interesting to hear people's experiences from childhood.
DeleteI was blessed with a happy childhood but lived with very little material things as I was one of six children. It did make me value a comfortable home and the education we were able to provide for our own children. I am glad you were able to rise above your early years and make a good spiritual life for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks mamasmercantile. We were still happy kids, but it was difficult. That's excellent that you were able to provide a comfortable home and education for your children.
DeleteA very thought provoking post, Stephenie. I'm sorry you had a turbulent childhood, but, you met that challenge and turned it into a positive outcome! Well done!
ReplyDeleteMy childhood was pretty idyllic until I was 7. Then, my father died, my half-siblings and my mother fell out and the family home was broken up, and my mother remarried. There were other stuff, too, which I will not mention. It was all quite challenging, but, I coped and it made me strong. I am not sure how it shaped my adult life choices, though! As I said, a very thought provoking post! :)
Hi Bless, That must have been a shock. You were so young. You have become very strong and disciplined.
DeleteThe greatest thing my dad taught me was to follow my dreams. His was not a happy childhood because his mom died when he was a teenager and his father was very strict. So I think my dad wanted to be the complete opposite of his own father.
ReplyDeleteNow that I’m older and wiser (hopefully) I thank my parents for providing me the best they could and instilling good values & habits in me. We had financially very difficult times, but we were happy and I knew I could always count on my parents. I used to think it was like that for everyone until one of my classmates told me about her childhood and said ‘you don’t know how lucky you are to have a loving family’.
You are a very strong woman, Stephenie. I’m so glad you were able to overcome difficulties and achieve your dreams. Not everyone can do that.
Hugs XX
Hi Nil,
DeleteThanks Nil. Your parents did instill good habits and values in you. I try to remember their gifts.
I grew up in a military household which meant we moved every 2 or 3 years. The pace of the relocations accelerated during my teen years due to my father becoming very senior in the ranks. We moved 4 times during my high school years which meant I went to a different high school each year including my senior year at a DOD run school in Germany. My education was incoherent and I was woefully unprepared for university life. But, my parents did give me a structured outlook which meant I knew discipline and learned how to study. Steve also grew up in a military household so when we decided to have children (rather late in life), that was the one thing we did not want for our children-that constant moving from base to base. So Steve worked his military career to keep the transfers to a minimum and our sons spent all of their school years in the same house.
ReplyDeleteYou are such an excellent writer, Anita. I always enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI’m an only child of both biological parents who are still married to this day. Because of that family set up, I wasn’t really “allowed” to feel depression. There was a lot of abuse at home, but a wonderful front with others. Being a divorced mom now with a daughter, I see a stark contrast in how much my daughter’s mental health is cared about as opposed to mine when I was her age.
ReplyDeleteAkasha, I think many families feel the need to present an image of "the perfect family" to the public. Often, what is happening inside the home is the opposite. A peaceful home gives us an excellent foundation. We get a second chance when we move out on our own. Self care is so important.
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