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| My dad and I in 2017 |
Yesterday morning at 10:00 a.m. my dad died. He had been in hospice for the last few weeks. I went to visit him and say good-bye. We talked for a couple more times on the phone, but he was very weak.
Having an elderly parent with dementia can be very stressful. It's kind of a relief not to have to worry about him anymore. For the past several years I had been very concerned about his driving. He refused to stop. The last time I saw him he said, "Hey Stef, I'm not going to drive anymore." I kept my response low key, but was thinking to myself, "Thank God!" This morning when I woke up I felt very tired. I stayed in bed and meditated, and then got up and made French roast coffee in my French press. I always eat two stalks of celery before putting anything in my stomach.
Yesterday I made a tuna and noodle casserole. I also went to Food For Less and bought a frozen chocolate cream pie. For some reason I was craving comfort food. Today I made a huge spinach salad, and am answering messages from so many old friends who have called. It's been very comforting to hear from all of them. Dancers always come through for each other in times of sorrow and loss.
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I am so very sorry to hear your devastating news. Sending a big hug to you and yours. God bless, take care, Angie xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Angie. It's actually a relief, since he wasn't in pain, and didn't suffer.
DeleteStephenie, long time reader here, first time commenter. I am so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. Grief brings forth so many mixed, often unexpected emotions. You're in my thoughts today. -Alyssa
ReplyDeleteHi Alyssa, Thank you so much for reading the blog and for commenting. You are right about grief, and all of the emotions. What a roller coaster!
DeleteThinking of you Stephanie ~ wishing you peace of heart and fond memories that bring a smile to your face.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lady Locust. This photo does that for me.
DeleteHow sad it is to lose the ones we love. You have been grieving that loss for some time, even before his body left us. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThat's very true, earthmotherwithin. You are very perceptive:anticipatory grief.
DeleteI’m so sorry to hear about your dad’s passing , Stephenie.
ReplyDeleteI’m sending lots of comforting hugs, and healing energy your way. Please take care.
XX
Thank you, Nil. It's comforting to have things getting back to normal.
DeleteSorry for your loss...what a wonderful dad! Andrea
ReplyDeleteYes, he was, Andrea. Thank you.
DeleteAwww, I’m very sorry, Stephenie. The photo of the two of you is lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Courtney. My ballet friend took it for me. We've known each other since we were teens.
DeleteI am so sorry to hear about your father's death, Stephenie. I am glad you were able to say goodbye to him. I understand the relief - my mother was in the early stages of dementia, herself, before she died; there were times when she didn't recognize me and it was very painful. In a way, I lost her before she actually died.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself time and allow yourself to grieve your loss. I'm glad you have friends and family to talk to and be there for you. But, if you ever need someone else to talk to or just listen while you talk, let me know. If I can be there for you in anyway, please don't hesitate to contact me.
May your father rest in peace. May you find comfort in the knowledge that your memories of him will sustain you as you go forward.
Hi Bless, Yes, dementia is very difficult to deal with, especially over time. How sad that your mother didn't recognize you. Luckily for me, my dad knew me right away, sat up straight, and smiled broadly. "Hi Stef!" he said. "Thanks for coming up."
DeleteI'm so sorry to read your sad news, Stephenie. Thinking of you. X
ReplyDeleteThank you Jules. Another one of life's passages.
DeleteSince condolences.
ReplyDeleteThank you, mamasmercantile.
DeleteMy heart aches for you today Stephenie. Please be gentle with yourself. RIP Stephenie's dad. xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Cherie. I am getting grounded again.
DeleteI am saddened to hear your news Stephanie. Losing a parent is never easy! Take care! Hugs from Gerda. (Eliza in Homemakers Forum)
ReplyDeleteHi Gerda, Thank you for reading the blog and for commenting. That is true.
DeleteSending you much love.
ReplyDeletePatricia/Fl
Thank you, Patricia. I appreciate you reading my blog and commenting.
DeleteSorry to hear about your Dad Stephenie. Your Dad looks like he was a lovely Gentleman. I do like your blog, but don't normally comment. Today I had to give you my condolences. Take care, and go gently. Robyn Australia.
ReplyDeleteHi Robyn, That was very kind of you to comment. I am thankful that you are reading the blog. I'm so glad you enjoy it. Yes, my dad was a kind and considerate gentleman.
DeleteVery sorry to hear your news, Stephenie. It was so good your Dad still knew you toward the end - dementia can be so hard on the loved ones. That's a lovely and happy photo of you together.
ReplyDeleteHi Pipistrello, Yes, his dementia put me through the wringer. I love this photo, too. Thank you.
DeleteStephanie, I'm so sorry to read this sad news today. Both my parents have been touched by dementia and it's such a difficult experience. My dad died in 2002 and I remember feeling so much relief that he didn't have to continue on. My mom is in the early stages but know she will progress in time. Thinking of you and holding you in my heart today. X Chy
ReplyDeleteHi Chy, I'm sorry that your parents have and had dementia. Things can escalate out of control so quickly. So often they put their trust in the wrong people. My prayers are with you.
DeleteStephenie-I am so sorry for your loss. Words fail me. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts as you move through this sad and difficult time.
ReplyDeleteHi Anita, Thank you for your kindness. It is a transition that we all experience, unless we die young.
DeleteOh, Stephenie.....sending you every bit of strength and comfort that I can muster.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how old we are, when we lose a parent we feel like a lost orphan.
Such an overwhelming time....
Please take extra special care of yourself.
Hi Jill, Thank you. We had time to prepare, which helps. It wasn't a shock. I am grateful that he had excellent care, was not in pain, and was able to die peacefully at home.
DeleteThinking of you, take time.
ReplyDeleteMarlene.xxx
Hi Marlene, Yes, right now having meals made and chores done is my main priority. Hope all's well with you.
DeleteA lovely photo of you and your Dad, Stephenie. May you long carry your love for him, and him for you, in your heart. Take Care. Meg Xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Meg. He was very kind and an excellent father. Hope you are doing well.
DeleteI am so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteThank you Akasha.
DeleteI’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost your Dad Stephanie. Before retiring I had worked in Aged Care for 20 years caring for many people with dementia. Often when they’ve left this world it seems a relief to move on & to be free of their troubled mind. Lyn ��
ReplyDeleteHi Lynfm, Yes, I know what you mean. It was so stressful for the last several years. I was always worried about him. He had a rare form of blood cancer, so that took his life fairly quickly. I'm glad he didn't have to suffer longer with the dementia.
ReplyDelete