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Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Planning For the End of Life
Most people don't like to think about how they are going to die, but it is something that we are all going to experience. Sometimes death comes as a shock. People get in accidents, or they could have a heart attack or a stroke. Sometimes it is a slower process, with time to prepare.
I have watched several of my animals die, and have been there with them until the end. It always feels kinder to me when we put our pets to sleep. If they aren't going to get better, and they are suffering, this can be a way to assist them on their journey into the afterlife.
When my mom was dying, I felt like I was the only one who knew what was happening. She had taken several falls, and was losing her balance. She wasn't able to keep food down, except for soup or broth. She threw up the Thanksgiving dinner that I made, but tried to hide it from me. I still knew. My dad told me that she was sleeping twenty of the twenty-four hours a day.
When I talked with her on the phone, she sounded at the end of her wits. "I don't know what's wrong!" she gasped. After first asking her if she wanted to know what I thought, I voiced my feelings. "I think that your body is shutting down," I explained. I had read that the Chinese stop eating and drinking when they are ready to die. Many animals isolate themselves in nature.
"I guess I'm going to have to make up my mind to die," she answered. I told her that I would pray that she would have a painless and peaceful passing, and suggested that she do the same. It had gotten to the point that she couldn't move, and everything hurt. She could hardly talk.
"I'll let you go; you sound tired," I told her. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," she agreed. That was our last conversation. The next morning my dad phoned and quietly told me that she had died. He asked me to write her obituary. That always made an impression on me. My mother was very strong, decisive, and disciplined. She even exited her body that way. That was four years ago. I am so glad that we had that conversation. Many people can't discuss it. We also had a hospice team that came in, checked on her, and eliminated all of the medications that she was taking. I was so relieved that she didn't suffer, any longer than she had. Have you experienced death with someone close to you?
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(((HUGS))) Stephenie. You were very strong to let your mother know that it was OK for her to go.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to plan for the end of life. A last will, medical directives, any particular wishes for the types of formalities at the end, etc. One of the first things I did when I had my cancer diagnosis was update my Will and medical directives. I did that before I went in for surgery for the lumpectomy, just in case. :)
That's very wise, Bless. I had to bring mine to the hospital when I had my hips replaced, too. It was an eerie feeling, but a relief to be prepared.
DeleteI am blessed that both my parents are still living but I have experienced the death of a much loved niece which I found quite traumatic.
ReplyDeleteHi mamasmercantile, It is so upsetting when the person is young or in an accident. When we have time to prepare, it isn't such a shock. I'm sorry about your niece.
DeleteWe have had 'the conversation'. My loved ones know that I don't want a funeral. They can have me cremated privately and scatter my ashes at the place I have already chosen. I don't want anyone hacking bits off my body and I don't want bits off anyone else's body put into mine. We don't know what lies beyond and I believe in reincarnation. I don't want to be reincarnated with vital bits missing.
ReplyDeleteHi Cherie, It's good that you have made your wishes known. My mother didn't want a service, either.
DeleteMy eyes filled with tears as I read your post. No one can prepare a daughter for the passing of her mother and the sense of loss that follows. My mother told ME that when her mother died, and it is true. My mother died almost 13 years ago, and while she was in very poor health, I don't believe she was prepared and I know I was not. She had been hospitalized for several reoccurring health problems the week prior and had finally, finally, finally received a diagnosis of terminal lung cancer (she often claimed she popped out of the birth canal with a "ciggie" dangling from her lip). She also had uncontrollable blood pressure problems and a failing heart. She came home from the hospital late in the afternoon and did not want me to come by to see her until the next day. She said she was just happy to be home, sitting up in her kitchen chair and having a "well deserved vodka tonic". The hospice representatives were scheduled to come by the house the next afternoon and I told her I would come by to meet with them. She was very positive, but I could tell she was exhausted. I went to work as usual the next day and received the awful phone call. When my assistant told me it was a doctor from the hospital on the line, I just knew. She had been brought to the hospital via ambulance very early in the morning and died after heroic efforts to save her. Her heart just gave out. My father was with her in the end as was fitting. They had a very private relationship.
ReplyDeleteWell-a long comment so edit as necessary. It always eases the loss to remember and reflect.
Hi Anita, Beautifully written. I always appreciate your heartfelt comments. Thank you.
DeleteTruly beautiful, how you interacted with your mom. I'm sure it calmed her, explaining to her about the naturalness of death. So true the body shuts down. Once Mother Angelica on EWTN (a nun) said that we age like an old jalopy and we die to trade in our body for a new resurrected one. (something like that...not sure exactly what she said). It is so hard because our souls do not age; and therefore we don't feel old when we are! Except for the aches and pains of course. I find death such a mystery but I guess I need more graces to learn to accept it as part of life...because whether I do or not, it comes. What a consolation you talked to your mom so close to her passing. Andrea
ReplyDeleteThanks Andrea. She just didn't know what was happening. Her body could no longer function. It was a relief to see her out of pain.
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